Marijuana and depression and anxiety

TeeJay1952

Well-Known Member
My kid is BP and it is episodic. Nothing, no matter how good it gets can stop it. I live for periods of remission. I tried getting her on Pot so she would quit downs but after she gets out of hospital everything is so good and then she starts to take on more and more responsibilities (manic) till she can't cope. She gets depressed, drinks and then her meds don't work. Evil Kim make her way to the front of her personalities and the avalanche of lies begin. The spiral don't end till she falls so far apart I can pick her up and carry her to Emergency Room. This is around 6 times in last 4 years. It gets harder and harder to remember this is a disease and not lifestyle choices. I told her today I always love her but I hate her 1/4 of the time.
 

grokit

well-worn member
My kid is BP and it is episodic. Nothing, no matter how good it gets can stop it. I live for periods of remission. I tried getting her on Pot so she would quit downs but after she gets out of hospital everything is so good and then she starts to take on more and more responsibilities (manic) till she can't cope. She gets depressed, drinks and then her meds don't work. Evil Kim make her way to the front of her personalities and the avalanche of lies begin. The spiral don't end till she falls so far apart I can pick her up and carry her to Emergency Room. This is around 6 times in last 4 years. It gets harder and harder to remember this is a disease and not lifestyle choices. I told her today I always love her but I hate her 1/4 of the time.
I've always thought of bipolar as manic/depressed, not multiple personalities, which is something else entirely. Schizophrenia would require very different treatment, so maybe re-check the diagnosis.
 
grokit,
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woolspinner

Well-Known Member
My kid is BP and it is episodic. Nothing, no matter how good it gets can stop it. I live for periods of remission. I tried getting her on Pot so she would quit downs but after she gets out of hospital everything is so good and then she starts to take on more and more responsibilities (manic) till she can't cope. She gets depressed, drinks and then her meds don't work. Evil Kim make her way to the front of her personalities and the avalanche of lies begin. The spiral don't end till she falls so far apart I can pick her up and carry her to Emergency Room. This is around 6 times in last 4 years. It gets harder and harder to remember this is a disease and not lifestyle choices. I told her today I always love her but I hate her 1/4 of the time.

As the child of parents who care, I can tell you: YOU need therapy, too. I do not know how old your child is, but regardless of whether she is at home or on her own, you need therapy to learn how to draw boundaries and take care of yourself. Eventually, you will either write her off entirely because you snap and cannot go on, or you will die of exhaustion and she will no longer have someone who always loves her in her life. You are probably one of her only sources of love. A huge responsibility, but if you do not draw boundaries and take care of yourself, you will no longer be in a position to help her learn independence. By swooping in every time it gets bad, she is never learning how to "fix" things herself. For one, she has never learned to identify the beginning of a slide, admit it, and take steps to keep it from getting worse, which is probably THE most important thing for anyone suffering from a mental illness. And, yes, I DO speak from PERSONAL experience. I lost many friends because they got tired of the cycle of abuse. And yes, it is abusive TO you. She doesn't intend it, I never did, and my family willingly accepted the abuse because they love me, but it is/was abuse.

I had a friend whose 4 children all had different types of mental illness (not genetic - 3 of them were adopted) or learning challenges. The parents had to learn how to say no to protect their own mental health, in part so they could be there for their friends, siblings, parents and the other children. One son was refused the right to move back home, one schizophrenic kid was refused having them drop by on request when she did not properly plan her own shopping trips...little things that added up to forcing the child to learn to cope. The son died related to drug abuse. They found a program into which to enroll the daughter where she had monitored med dosing and independent housing. This relieved them so much. And then my friend died, she had some measure of comfort knowing the kids were in the best shape she could have put them in all things considered.

You have posted this here because you tried cannabis but it did not "cure" her. There is no magic bullet for mental illness. There is only acceptance, coping strategies, and being very clear about boundaries. I looked at this post more for what you need to do for YOURSELF so that you can continue to provide something she cannot get elsewhere: love. There are programs that can help her learn independence, learn how to stop the slide, avoid alcohol, but she will always need you for the love you can provide. More than anything, you can help her by finding those programs that will enable her to help herself BEFORE she goes off the deep end, and when she need to hear kind words when things are rough, she can call YOU to get that.

My own dear father died recently. Because I learned coping strategies (and, no, I still do backside badly from time to time) we still had a relationship when he died and he died with both of us still talking to each other and in a position of love, not resentment.

Since I am now crying, I will sign off. Get help for yourself in managing your feelings related to her ( you may have deep feelings of guilt, maybe feel you did something to cause this) and drawing boundaries, find a help group for parents, find out what programs exist in which she could enroll. Not sure if she abuses alcohol that cannabis is a good bet right now. I think it is more assistance when she is more stable. I still wonder if I am using cannabis appropriately or if I have crossed into abuse. But I, ME, I have to decide that, not my dad and not my mom.

Good luck.
 

TeeJay1952

Well-Known Member
Kind words and I thank you.
@woolspinner Did you ever think a peak or valley was of your choosing? I find it to be an almost imperceptible slide or a rainy day. Not desirable but inevitable. Madness is not a club she chooses but it is like the Sorting Hat at Hogwarts. She has assigned BP like her Grandma and Aunt.
It would be easier I think, (and easier to explain to outsiders) If It was Schizophrenia and her moods had different names and looks but everyone else's problems always look easier to us. Some of her personalities are Martha Stewardish and Scullery Maid & Cook and I take full advantage of those so I am as bad as her I guess. I don't think therapy is in the cards for this old dog. 14 year retired and 4 years a widower so I am playing this hand. If anything I suffer from Joy not Depression. I love life and while there are bumps it is way better than being a rock.
BP is a MF. She is good till she is not.
 

woolspinner

Well-Known Member
Kind words and I thank you.
@woolspinner Did you ever think a peak or valley was of your choosing? I find it to be an almost imperceptible slide or a rainy day. Not desirable but inevitable. Madness is not a club she chooses but it is like the Sorting Hat at Hogwarts. She has assigned BP like her Grandma and Aunt.
It would be easier I think, (and easier to explain to outsiders) If It was Schizophrenia and her moods had different names and looks but everyone else's problems always look easier to us. Some of her personalities are Martha Stewardish and Scullery Maid & Cook and I take full advantage of those so I am as bad as her I guess. I don't think therapy is in the cards for this old dog. 14 year retired and 4 years a widower so I am playing this hand. If anything I suffer from Joy not Depression. I love life and while there are bumps it is way better than being a rock.
BP is a MF. She is good till she is not.

What i am about to say may offend you, may shock you, may seem like the unsayable, but if no one speaks these things, we give them more weight and power than they should and we continue to live in darkness.

If she depends upon you to rescue her, then when you die she will have nothing and no one. You are 14 years retired, so that means you are probably over the age of 60. Therefore, your death is not as far away as either of you may want to admit. Your (you and she) current approach to her "flare-ups" is not sustainable and, as we have said, not healthy for either of you, let alone your relationship.

I am sure I have felt it was ALL my fault. But assigning blame does not help find the solution with a mental illness "flare-up" it just makes the person, already in pain, feel more shitty than they already do. Hell, she may already have internalized this as her "choice" and something within her control (if i just exhibited more will power, this would never happen, therefore i am a lazy shit-bag because this keeps happening) and it may be unecessary for anyone else to tell me i am a lazy shit-bag who likes causing myself and my loved ones pain. Then, my next thought is, "everyone would be better off without me". If you think that is true, that you would be better off without her, do not a) feel alone, i am sure many people feel that way about their mentally ill relatives, or b) do anything to stimulate that thought process in her unless you want to live with it when she kills herself. That is why i think therapy for our caregivers is beneficial. And you are her caregiver to some extent. In therapy, you CAN SAFELY say the unsayable truths - that if she had never been born, your life WOULD be easier. Better? I don't know. I like to think my dad would say, "no, my life was infinitely better with you in the world and i do not want you gone".

We always want to hide from our dark thoughts, and that simply poisons the well. You have to have some way of bringing that dead, rotting corpse of a thought out of your well, or it will continue to poison you.

The ONLY time you can discuss what SHE does to "help" the downward spiral is when she is stable, medicated, and in therapy. And it is never a good idea, IMHO, for that to come from someone she thinks is biased or about whom she already feels guilty (if she does) in regard to how she "is" when she goes downhill. Better for those to come from an unbiased trusted third party that can help her realize it and find ways to fix it. Accusing her of causing this to herself is neither helpful (not unless you have a concrete, step-by-step solution to offer) or good for your relationship if you actually want to preserve it.

This response is so far off track from the OP and the purpose of this thread that I will not post any more responses, but I URGE you to investigate help groups and programs. Help groups of other caregivers can be beneficial because together, people come up with better solutions than alone. People may have suggestions for what you can say, names of programs into which she might be able to enroll, better coping strategies for when she crashes.

You may think not seeking help is a sign of strength, but you have already shown that you NEED, desperately, help in handling this relationship by writing here and asking these questions. I think it is a tremendous first step and you should feel good and proud of yourself, but this is not a place that can really help you. I unreservedly believe and recommend you find a support group if you will not find a therapist. Is this not what you wanted anyway by posting here? Help from "peers" or people who have experience different from your own. I STRONGLY suggest you follow this first step with a second step to a support group. Your "problem" is not with your daughter, it is a shortage of resources because you are one man. Seek those who have similar situations and be willing to listen to their suggestions and ideas. It could change your life, the life of your suffering daughter, and in the end, you might be able to just be her dad again, instead of her keeper or caregiver.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck. I deeply feel and understand your pain.
 

rozroz

Well-Known Member
just found this thread, very important and personal stuff here, any sensitive person can address.
thanks.

i personally found a decent limit to my MJ usage to be artistically creative and focused
when i do my stuff at night.
i usually have 2-3 evenings a week.
if i do it more than that i start getting moody, start wanting to get high more than needed for my mental stability.

btw - i am shocked from the amount people here say they use!
i use a micro dose, a 1/3 of a bowl, lightly packed (around 0.1 - 0.2 g?)
one session at low temp and i am done!
people here usually claim around a 1g a day/evening.
sounds insane to me.
 

nilo

Well-Known Member
I just love marijuana for the short term but I feel like long term I end up doing more damage depression and anxiety wise. Idk wut 2 do, I guess my biological make up isn't meant to be a pot head I dunno..

goto healer.com and go through vids. More weed does not mean it's better for you. I went through a similar cycle myself, glad I broke out.
 

rabblerouser

Combustion Fucker
btw - i am shocked from the amount people here say they use!
i use a micro dose, a 1/3 of a bowl, lightly packed (around 0.1 - 0.2 g?)
one session at low temp and i am done!
people here usually claim around a 1g a day/evening.
sounds insane to me.

I'm like a gram a day or maybe 1.2 tops, usually. But that's just several 0.1 to 0.2 sessions. My anxiety is fairly constant and I need to re-apply the doobie regularly to keep it at bay. That's my single biggest complaint about the medical is just that it wears off too quickly. Edibles do work longer, but I don't save any money that way really. I do think about trying to trend more towards micro-dosing, but mainly just to save money.
 
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invertedisdead

PHASE3
Manufacturer
I'm like a gram a day or maybe 1.2 tops, usually. But that's just several 0.1 to 0.2 sessions. My anxiety is fairly constant and I need to re-apply the doobie regularly to keep it at bay. That's my single biggest complaint about the medical is just that it wears off to quickly. Edibles do work longer, but I don't save any money that way really. I do think about trying to trend more towards micro-dosing, but mainly just to save money.

Same here, I vaporize often but not a large quantity.
 

nilo

Well-Known Member
Bipolar can be a real mother fucker especially when nothing works. My bipolar is difficult to treat even with meds it doesn't prevent me from living between hypo-mania and mania which is how I spend most of my time. My depression is a simple and complete draining where all I can do is sleep for days and of course I feel like dying.

Drugs, I don't want to even get started. I have had my problems mainly because I was willing to take absolutely anything to feel differently and this went on for years. I was always very excessive in the amounts I would take. It seems with a good doctors supervision and medication I can now live my life 'hard drug' free. My only crutch is cannabis and of course my bipolar meds.

The main way I cope is to isolate myself because things are just much easier that way. I will say that as a result of being bipolar I have experienced a large amount of social and group rejection which has given me a very thick skin. One of the things bipolar has made me truly efficient at is not giving a fuck which seems to naturally happen over time but I wouldn't say it's a good thing. It just isolates a person more.

This has been my life. I see a psychiatrist with which I am secret free for check-ups and meds. We truly have reached the end of the road for me. I used to go to therapy and groups but I reached a point where the talk was nothing but repeat and I was always disrupting and taking over group therapy sessions everytime I went. Not on purpose of course more of a natural manic act.


Look up 'Lithium Orotate' on youtube. It's not lithium but a mineral and it's helping MANY people big time.
 

nilo

Well-Known Member
thank you very much...I do take as high as a dose of lithium carbonate as I can which is very high. This is something I will look at. I should not take anything without checking with my doctor first.

Thank you for the tip
thank you very much...I do take as high as a dose of lithium carbonate as I can which is very high. This is something I will look at. I should not take anything without checking with my doctor first.

Thank you for the tip

Lithium carbonate is very hard on the body, do your reserach on Lithium Orotate, you can buy without prescription and it is not harmful.
 
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Diggy Smalls

Notorious
My girlfriend will take one puff from a vape every now and then (like once a year lol) because it has caused her much anxiety in excess so she is very weary of it. Last time she vaporized one fluffy shred and it was just right lol . Imagine opening your grinder and putting one those pieces of diced up weed in your vaporizer!

Anyway, it could be that smaller doses would help steer clear of the negative effects. Micro dosing is awesome.
 

Winegums

I make things from wood
Accessory Maker
For me weed calms my anxiety and depression. It scrambles my thoughts enough that they never can reach dark places or loop. While it won't cure my issues it definitely makes them bearable.

I would try to eliminate the stress in your life before quitting weed. All my problems have been because of too much stress.
 

nilo

Well-Known Member
My girlfriend will take one puff from a vape every now and then (like once a year lol) because it has caused her much anxiety in excess so she is very weary of it. Last time she vaporized one fluffy shred and it was just right lol . Imagine opening your grinder and putting one those pieces of diced up weed in your vaporizer!

Anyway, it could be that smaller doses would help steer clear of the negative effects. Micro dosing is awesome.

Microdosing works best for me as well.
 

Baron23

Well-Known Member
Not to make too big of a deal out of it (cause MANY have much worse issues) but have had widely spaced bouts of acute clinical depression (and no, this is NOT just feeling blue), and have been diagnosed with dysthymia (low level constant depression...like just being a quart low), and chronic anxiety. Whatever.

For the acute bouts, a period of pharma meds (SUI antidepressants) were required to calm my brain down but I don't take them as a maintenance med. I"m NOT a Dr so I don't advise anyone on the subject of medications.

I vape cannabis mainly to sleep as I have a surgically repaired back with chronic nerve damage and pain such that its very difficult for me to sleep. However, the side benefit to me has been that my general mood elevates and I feel more at ease and at peace. YMMV

P.S. - oh, on the anxiety front, I do have to watch what strains I vape, particularly if socializing at all. Some really hot sativas give me a fair degree of boosted anxiety. I actually don't mind when I'm home alone because I also enjoy the cerebral high of sativas, they tend to make me become much more socially awkward/reticent.
 
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ataxian

PALE BLUE DOT
just found this thread, very important and personal stuff here, any sensitive person can address.
thanks.

i personally found a decent limit to my MJ usage to be artistically creative and focused
when i do my stuff at night.
i usually have 2-3 evenings a week.
if i do it more than that i start getting moody, start wanting to get high more than needed for my mental stability.

btw - i am shocked from the amount people here say they use!
i use a micro dose, a 1/3 of a bowl, lightly packed (around 0.1 - 0.2 g?)
one session at low temp and i am done!
people here usually claim around a 1g a day/evening.
sounds insane to me.
I'm guilty of overdoing it! (vape all day)
1 gram a day FLOWERS
0.25 SHATTER per day (someday's more?)

I have ATAXIA (SCA TYPE-6)
However I suffer from Depression & ANXIETY as well!
EXERCISE & CANNABIS seem to work then best for me?

I guess we are all different?

I talk about being CIVILIZED?

TRYING is better than DYING?

Not ready yet!
 

Baron23

Well-Known Member
I'm guilty of overdoing it! (vape all day)
1 gram a day FLOWERS
0.25 SHATTER per day (someday's more?)

I have ATAXIA (SCA TYPE-6)
However I suffer from Depression & ANXIETY as well!
EXERCISE & CANNABIS seem to work then best for me?

I guess we are all different?

I talk about being CIVILIZED?

TRYING is better than DYING?

Not ready yet!

Yes, I forgot to mention that the very best thing for my mood is exercise. Hard to beat endorphin's...nature's antidepressants.

And I agree completely....trying is better than dying and if I go down, I intend to go down swinging! :tup::rockon:
 

ataxian

PALE BLUE DOT
Yes, I forgot to mention that the very best thing for my mood is exercise. Hard to beat endorphin's...nature's antidepressants.

And I agree completely....trying is better than dying and if I go down, I intend to go down swinging! :tup::rockon:
@Baron23 back in the 70's I was living on the beach in HAWAII.
If I died today I had a good life!

If I don't die today it's a bonus.
Each day is amazing to me.

CANNABIS keeps me CIVILIZED
 
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